His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this boner is exhausting
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
