Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
