You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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