2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
