Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
