Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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