so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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