there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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