I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
