dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
