at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
