Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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