so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
