he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
