in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
