i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
