**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
