just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
