Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
