he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
