I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
