my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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