Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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