i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
