He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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