just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize