Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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