He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just high enough for therapy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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