Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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