It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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