if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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