Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
