theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
