His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
