What a fucking waste of an outfit
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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