so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I touched a dick in church today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
