Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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