hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
