you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
