well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
