a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
