I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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