So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just cropdusted the office
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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