Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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