sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Randomize
