I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
