You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
