I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
