I think I died a long time ago.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
