I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
