I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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