you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Girls should come with a carfax report
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
