HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
