It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
