How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
