Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
