blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
