Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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