Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
