i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
