Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
