drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
