I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
