Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
