His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
