Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my liver is dry heaving
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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