Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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