wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Someone shattered a urinal.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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