so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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