I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
