Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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