well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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