She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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