Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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