a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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